Sunday, 10 January 2010


Now, don't get scared by the title of this post. I'll try and keep it as clean as possible.

In all honesty, I never watch porn, never never never ever. The first time I saw some porn scarred me and I steered well clear of it ever since, up til recently.

When I was round about 13/14 and at Boarding school, during the two hours after school and before dinner when we had "free time" I went for a walk from my boarding house (Hood) to the boys boarding house (Hawke) to visit my brother. I don't recall the reason for the visit, perhaps it was to deliver a message from the parents, or just to see how he was getting along, or just something to do. I was very innocent at this age, bear in mind please.

I arrive and wait in the hallway for a someone from my brothers year to walk through so I can ask them to go upstairs and tell my brother I was there. (That's how things were done in boarding school, girls aren't allowed upstairs in boys houses) No one came so I summoned up the courage to walk into the "dayroom," (sitting room style place full of uncomfy chairs and a vintage TV, and boys.) Luckily a boy from my brothers year was sitting on a chair on his own at the back, with a laptop on his lap. I knew the guy so I went over to ask him to get my bro downstairs for me. Unfortunately when I walked up behind him I saw what was on the screen of the laptop!! At first I didn't know what it was, however I soon realised that this was two people having sex, totally naked!!! I had never seen porn before so I blushed and screamed. I also knew that this was definitely against the school rules, and that no one could make fun of me if they didn't want their laptop confiscated. All the boys thought it was hilarious, my brother included, and that was my first at last porno viewing for many years.

So let us fast forward to the present day. A guy I've been texting had been mentioning that he was watching porn when I asked him what he was up to, and I replied something along the lines of well, I've never watched porn before (bar the boarding school glimpse) and his response was pure disbelief. I decided then, that it was time to see what all the fuss was about.

Someone told me once before that the internet is 90% porno material, so i figured it would be easy to find something, and before long I was at with a good friend of mine in tow to watch a few videos.

From what I watched here is what I can deduce about them:

All the girls have -
-the same style "down there" (totally shaved apart from a vertical strip above where the top of their vag starts)
- long nails, and ALL of them have french manicures
- Navel piercings
-Bleached bum holes
-Long hair
- Faces that would be deemed unnattractive if it wasn't for the rest of the body and layers of foundation
- Fake boobs (mostly really badly done, in my opinion not sexy fake boobs)

And all the guys have

- SCARILY large penises.

Now, none of the above characterists turn me on.

So why do people watch it? It didn't do much for me, it was entertaining to go "urgh look at that," but in a "lol" way, rather than a sexual way, if you know what I mean. There was one video in particular where the girl looked really scared and when she glanced into the camera there was a severe look of fear in her face. The only emotion this evoked from me was sympathy, it did not make me horny.

The videos that kind of had a storyline to them were better, there was one with a girl and her personal trainer that started of clean, they just did some excercise reps, and then afterwards she started giving him a blow job. Whilst she was doing this she started counting, which did make me laugh (like he was doing to her whilst she was working her abs lol)

However, the videos get long, and I didn't find them pleasureable. After a while with one I turned to Sophie (my friend) and said, "He's not coming, I'm getting bored, shall we just put some music on instead?" She agreed. We then passed the rest of the afternoon pleasurably chatting and listening to songs.

So, I gave it a go, and seven years on Porn does just as little for me as it did in Hawke senior dayroom. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there is a time and a place in the right company where I could enjoy it, however I don't get why someone would watch it at home alone. But then again I'm not male... which could hold the key to the answer.

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